You know when you hear or read something, and in that moment you sit on it for a minute because it intrigues you, but then you keep on listening or reading? And then a long while after, you think of it again?

That happened to me recently.

I remembered a moment in a speech by Jim Collins (author of Good to Great, Built to Last) when he mentioned, in passing, “The thing that I am most proud of in my life is my marriage.”
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The speech is fantastic. (And go ahead to 42:10 for the marriage reference.)

I remember finding it interesting in the moment, as he was giving a speech to a large number of business people at a global leadership summit. I had already read some of his books, which I’ve recently found myself re-reading, and the whole concept for his work is backbreaking, empirical data. Meaning, when he identifies a company as “great” or a leader as “level 5,” it is not based on opinion or reputation or what he hopes is true. It is based on numbers.

For him to say this, based on the type of work that he does, which is thought out and planned and documented to the nth degree, he must really mean it.  

Then I got to thinking.

Imagine all of the business people he has met. All the flash in the pans, as well as the long lasting bastions. All the companies he has studied with great 5 year growth out of the gates that end up not making it, as well as the multi-generational organizations overcoming challenges to grow and change.  

He has a view of what’s possible in business that is vast. He has a perspective on good and bad leaders that is equally as vast. He has a sense for all the great things that a business can accomplish, and those leaders sitting at the table of that business, can come to enjoy. And for him, the thing that he is most proud of is his marriage?

I’m celebrating my 17 year anniversary today. I thought of this moment in his speech as I’ve been reflecting on things. I went back and listened to all 47 minutes of it in order to find this passing moment. I’m glad I did.
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According to Collins, great companies and leaders love a challenge. They re-frame failure into growth and opportunity. The greatest leaders and companies live this reality, that there is no failure, only growth. They also come to realize the importance of a sacrifice to something greater than themselves.

Well, if you’re looking for an opportunity to grow and sacrifice, there is nothing like marriage to help you with that. While you can trick people on social media, in a press conference, in the boardroom, or in a meeting with a customer or employee, it’s really hard to trick your spouse. They know what is at the heart of it all. They know if you are really pushing and sacrificing or hiding and focused on yourself. 

I’ll bet for Collins, marriage is something akin to a canary in the coal mine as it relates to his own quest for greatness. And for him, anything that helps push through failure and promote sacrifice is something to cling to. And if that’s true, what a wonderful thing for a person to believe and uphold.  

​Happy wife, happy life? Hardly. Happy wife, constant growth and sacrifice. And for that reason, it is a wonderful, profound blessing.

“One can dimly guess the psychological horror of the progressive stages of fear, anxiety, and sorrow which prostrated Him before even a single blow had been struck.  It has been said that soldiers fear death much more before the zero hour of attack than in the heat of battle. The active struggle takes away the fear of death which is present when one contemplates it without action.  It is very likely the Agony in the Garden cost Him far more suffering than even the physical pain of Crucifixion, and perhaps brought His soul into greater regions of darkness than any other moment of the Passion.”  
Fulton J. Sheen

What did the disciples do amidst this terrifying moment for our Lord?  They slept. Even after instructing them to stay and be alert, and then checking in and redirecting them, they still couldn’t keep their eyes open.

We can think of all the people in our world who are broken and alone, facing stress and pain in their own “Agony in the Garden.”  What they share, and we share with them, are the issues and obstacles that life brings. We find ourselves in Gethsemane more often than we know.  And what is our tendency? To keep closed in our own little hearts and minds, too busy in our own lives and in our own circumstances.  

Jesus was literally on the precipice of the most important moment in the history of the world and we couldn’t stay awake. 

As we place ourselves in the garden with Jesus, the emotions and thoughts are almost too strong and all over the place.  We ask for His forgiveness. We thank Him for what He is about to do. We ask for His mercy in our weakness and with tired eyes. We ask for His grace to help those in our world who need us to stay awake, and who need us to bring His love to them.  

What was Jesus’ response to the disciples sleeping?  The same it would have been if they would have been alert and engaged.  As he told them to “Get up and let us go,” we do the same.  

We never forget this agony of Jesus.  We feel the profound sorrow for letting Him go off to die while we couldn’t stay awake.  We use this sorrow and remorse as fuel to be there for others, and in that sense, now really be there for Jesus.  We use our present life as an opportunity to apply what we’ve learned and what we will continue to learn because of that garden.  And like Jesus, we get up and go into the world to carry not only our cross, but to help carry the crosses of others.

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Mother Teresa teaches us that loneliness can be beautiful.  

We tend to think loneliness is a bad thing.  We protect ourselves from it. We isolate ourselves because of it.  How many of our issues, when you boil it down, are due to our tendency to avoid these feelings? These pangs of loneliness, fear, pain, suffering, desperation, anxiety, worry, uncertainty?  How many addictions, insecurities, broken relationships, financial problems, disorders, medications and failures are rooted in how we’ve chosen (consciously or subconsciously) to respond to our loneliness?  How much of this is rooted in the fact that our world tells us loneliness is bad?

Mother Teresa gives us the chance to reconsider things…..

 “Before crosses used to frighten me – I used to get goose bumps at the thought of suffering – but now I embrace suffering even before it actually comes, and like this Jesus and I live in love.”
   
Do we think of our loneliness and suffering as opportunities to love God more intimately? As places to depend on Him?

“I have more often as my companion “darkness.” And when the night becomes very thick – and it seems to me as if I will end up in hell – then I simply offer myself to Jesus.  If He wants me to go there – I am ready – but only under the condition that it really makes Him happy."

Do we see our dark places as opportunities to hand everything over? To make ourselves empty on purpose? To experience this true freedom?

Mother Teresa chose her mission knowing it would be extremely difficult.  She knew the only way she would be successful was depending on God and God alone.

“To leave that what I love and expose myself to new labours and sufferings which will be great, to be the laughing stock of so many – especially religious – to cling to and choose deliberately the hard things of an Indian life – to cling to and choose loneliness and ignominy – uncertainty – and all because Jesus wants it – to live His life – to do His work in India.”

She chose loneliness and suffering.  And she knew that in doing so her mission would serve two purposes: #1) It would help others desperately in need #2) It would allow her to be radically dependent on God and love Him, and as such, He would be the ultimate source for doing #1.  The two go together – serving others and dependence on God. And they to together for Mother Teresa and for us.

Loneliness can be beautiful when, like Mother Teresa, we choose it and accept it as a way to love God.

Loneliness is human.  This loneliness is not necessarily very complicated.  We yearn for God, and will continue to, as long as we are alive on earth.  This yearning goes hand and hand with some loneliness.  

Loneliness is a place we can hand our lives over and find freedom through dependence.  Instead of assuming the problems in our lives are something to be fixed or something that makes us bad, we can change our path by being intentionally lonely with God and not running away.  We can use our loneliness to fuel our beautiful relationship with Him until the day our loneliness ends, and we live with Him forever.

I recently saw this sign while walking through the state capitol.  I was with my family on a mini road trip, and the capitol stop was a no-brainer.

When I saw the sign, amidst all the marble and massiveness,  it struck me.  With the whole separation of church and state idea - seeing the words "Christmas" and "lent" seemed out of place.  I had to read it a couple of times for it to register.

After it registered, and even now, the sign makes me sad.  I imagine all of the people in our world who are lost and scared, alone and afraid. They seek answers and hope and a level of certainty about their lives. Then they see a sign like this or enter a conversation with this type of thinking, and they are led to believe “forgetting your guilt” is actually a good thing and can make you happier. 

Good grief.

Part of the human experience is dealing with the fact that frequently we don’t do the things that deep down we know we should do.

The list of such things is endless from not letting someone merge in front of you on the highway, pretending you don’t see their blinker, to not working out as you know you should or following your diet properly or keeping in line with your budget or blowing past your child who is excited to show you their homework or not telling the full truth because you don’t want someone disappointed, or as the sign points out, not practicing your faith.  

Guilt, in my book, is the feeling you can experience when you realize you have not done what you believe you should have done. And the feeling associated with guilt is real.

What should you do with these feelings? And with this “guilt?”

Following my definition, is it good to forget guilt? 

And further, is it easier to be happy by forgetting it?

Of course not. And if anyone disagrees, try to find happiness by avoiding doing the things you know you should do.

Being human means experiencing guilt. Being human also means having a natural desire for peace and wholeness and fulfillment which I believe simplified for many is happiness.

These two ideas are not in contradiction with each other, as the sign insinuates. Rather, our guilt and our peace-wholeness-fulfillment-happiness can work together on this human plane.  That’s what makes Christianity so beautiful and so wonderfully human.

If we attempt to forget our guilt we are hiding from what it means to be human. And hiding from our human experience never ends well.

When we accept our guilt and own it, we will come to understand our intimate relationship with the cross and how we must depend on Him.  This beautiful relationship starts with acceptance of our guilt -  not forgetting it.  We can embrace our guilt and even appreciate it due to its leading us to Christ.

Forget your guilt? Never. Accept it and own it.

Last fall I was thinking about my goals for 2018.  Through the course of this exercise, which I typically do in the 4th quarter for the upcoming year, I asked myself this question:  What is the largest goal I can imagine?

I let my mind consider lifetime goals, beyond just 2018.
 
How big can I think?

I found myself settling on two:  1) Having a net worth of $100,000,000 and 2) Becoming a saint.

The $100 million net worth seems very big to me.  We’re all different.  Some would see this as insane to consider.  Others would take it seriously.  For me to imagine $100 million dollars and play that out in my mind – the selling of multiple successful businesses, the building of something from scratch to something of significant value – this would be a really, really big accomplishment.

The “becoming a saint” idea surprised me.  I think I was first exposed to the idea loosely by author Matthew Kelly, and the idea that our call to holiness is our greatest human calling.  Combining that with some of what St. Therese of Lisieux had to say (“God would never inspire me with desires which cannot be realized; so in spite of my littleness, I can hope to be a saint.”) When I think of what it would look like for yours truly to become an actual venerated saint, to imagine hearing my name sung in the litany of saints on All Saints Day, imagining one of those little saint prayer cards with my mug on it – that is a really, really big accomplishment. 

I realized that in noodling on the net worth goal, my mind was thinking through all the numbers and projects and timelines of things.  What businesses would I start? Where would I invest my time and resources and talents?  My mind thought through all the things I would have to consider doing in order to make it happen.

In thinking about the saint goal, I realized how powerless I am.  I realized, for that to happen, it would be all God, because in many ways I am such a buffoon.   It would be His grace, His goodness, His guidance and my complete surrender and willingness to follow Him at all costs. 

In short, $100,000,000 = Me.  Becoming a saint = God.

And then I had this realization. 

If I had a choice between the $100,000,000 or becoming a saint, I’d take becoming a saint.

And the takeaway?

The biggest goal I can imagine is based in God and me submitting.  All the projects and work and stress we can put on ourselves – and really, our greatest achievements can be rooted in simple love and surrender and taking one day at a time.  It is in that freedom we can really live a beautiful, fun life.  And thank God for that. 
 

What do you, me and God have in common?  All of us are human.

That's what Christmas celebrates - God's decision to be like you and like me. And when I think of it that way, it comes into clear focus why it is such a wonderful thing to celebrate.

This point comes from a homily I heard many years ago that you can find here by Fr. Michael Himes.  It has stuck with me in many, many ways.  (Do yourself a favor....spend the 17 minutes this Christmas season and watch it.) 

It is in the fullness of humanity where we find the fullness of divinity, and vice versa.  What does that mean?  It means our day to day work is to become more and more human; to be as human as we can possibly be.  Where do we look to determine what "being human" means?  The gospels.

What does it mean to be truly human?  It is our lifetime pursuit and is hard work.  But the pursuit is worthwhile, as in it, we discover God in ourselves and each other. 

When we look in the manger this Christmas season, let's understand both the privilege and responsibility we uncover.  Yes, let's praise Him and adore Him.  But after that, let's make sure we see His mission through - which is rooted in the exchange of His becoming like us, so we can be like Him for others.

Jim Collins is a very important figure in the world of business and leadership.  Among his best known books are Built to Last and Good to Great.  

Recently I was asked to watch a speech that he gave in 2015 (found HERE).  In it, Collins talks about what he learned about leadership while serving as Chair for the Study of Leadership at the United States Military Academy at West Point.  There is one small section of the speech, from 26:47 – 27:30 to be precise, that we had to share.....
 
“If I could take away one thing from that experience, that I wish I could bottle and put into every organization, it would be this idea that we succeed at our very best only when we help others succeed.  This idea that when you’re facing serious challenges or inadequacies or difficulty or risk or fear, that the response is let me help you.  And to create this incredible idea which is you are never alone.”

Collins is saying that success in any organization is seen in helping others especially amidst your suffering.  It is the choice, to go out and give, when every part of you is otherwise scared, afraid, or facing challenges, that makes success something altogether more profound.

Collins is not a pastor or priest.  His life focus is business.  He is a consultant.   He is a Stanford guy who spent time working with McKinsey and is a frequently published author and speaker for the Harvard Business Review and other such top flight platforms.

And yet, his one take away, his summary statement as the expert in business leadership, is something that reads like a homily.

Going out to help people when every part of you is telling you to protect and hide and runaway is not natural.  I suggest it’s not the work of a business person.  Rather, it’s spiritual work.  And I believe it is the spiritual work of a follower of Christ, who recklessly stays hidden at the foot of the cross and takes his or her mission into business.  And that’s a mission that means business.

I’ve had the fun of asking people this question over the last several weeks.  In doing so, I realized how obvious it seems to most of us, that faith is what causes prayer.  However, Mother Teresa would disagree, as one of her many famous quotes reminds us:

The fruit of silence is prayer
The fruit of prayer is faith
The fruit of faith is love
The fruit of love is service
The fruit of service is peace

This is quite the road map.  Where is the starting point?  In the silence.  The idea of silence doesn’t seem overly original as meditation and yoga have become much more commonplace.  In Catholic circles this idea is also fairly common, as authors like Matthew Kelly refer to “the classroom of silence.” 

Faith comes from prayer and prayer comes from the silence.

Where do you find the silence?  Wherever you choose.

A walk or jog in the early morning or evening.  When you're alone in the car.  The moments between meetings at your desk.  The ride in the elevator.  As you wait for the water to boil while making dinner.  It doesn’t have to be in a church kneeling at a pew. 

When we spend time in the silence we think about our lives.  We think about the people and circumstances in our lives.  And if we make a habit of going into the silence, it doesn’t take too long to realize how deeply we yearn for peace and love and fulfillment that is experienced and expressed when the silence is our anchor.

Don’t wait for your faith to cause you to pray.  Rather, just start praying.  WARNING:  It will feel really weird at first, but it's worth it.  When you do so with an open heart, and develop more and more consistency in going there, the good fruits you hope for will find you.
   

In the past week I've heard from the disgruntled 50 something talking about his marriage and that he wasn't happy. I've heard from the parents of the now empty nest hoping that their kids can find happiness. I've heard from a young person looking for a new job because the one they currently have doesn't make them happy.  Happiness is something that comes up a lot.  We use it as a filter for our lives.  Happy = Good; Sad = Bad. 

In the post Mister Rogers Neighborhood era, where now we are more open to talk about our feelings, I think we need to dig deeper.  Because our quest for happiness will fail us - proven by our increasing struggles with addiction, depression and anxiety.

What is happiness? Is it getting everything we want? Is it a life of comfort and pleasure and constant joy? Is it a life where our work seems like a vacation and yet we earn endless income and have limitless fun? Is it not having to work and everything going perfectly at home with children who get straight A's and are the best in every sport and activity?
 
If any of this is happiness, Christ's life was a complete failure.
 
However, luckily the Son of Man was not interested in happiness. And if we dig a lot deeper, I contend we aren't either.
 
As our catechism states, and as our church has pointed out for thousands of years directly and indirectly through scripture and sacred tradition, our happiness is found in God. Period.
 
We don't seek happiness. We seek God.  Addictions, depression, anxiety, problems with relationships and jobs and ourselves that we claim are preventing us from happiness will continue to plague us until we accept this reality and work with reckless abandon to prove it in our lives.

So, don't seek happiness.  Seek God.
 
When we feel like we're not happy, we take a moment to ask what else God needs to provide? He has given us our lives. He has given us each other. He has given us himself. He has given us never ending life. If there's something more we need....ask!!!! If we do so with a pure and loving heart, He will listen. 

When we truly accept Him we are so filled up we don't have time to worry about whether or not we are happy.  And when that's the case we are lights for the world always and everywhere - even on Mondays and at Funerals.

 A few weeks ago I was meeting with a C-level executive of a well-known organization.  I was asking about his career and he opened up.

When he was in his 30’s he had the opportunity to buy a company that was struggling.  He took the chance and was able to turn it around in dramatic fashion.  Within 5 years he was able to sell it and made his millions.  “I had it all; the house, the plane, the life.  And within a couple years it was all gone.  My wife left and took the kids.  The business tanked.  It was a really tough lesson.”

In the moment of him sharing this with me, I did two things.  The first was to sense the gratitude I always feel when people share their stories – stories that remind me with clarity what’s important and why.  The second was to ask the question I love asking….

“Has your faith been important to you?”

I thought it might catch him a bit off guard, as this was a professional meeting. But, there it was….

Without one second, he replied, “Of course.”  He told me about how, sometimes, you need to have things taken from you before you realize what’s important.  He had experienced that in profound fashion.

I then asked the question I also love asking.  “What’s  your favorite way to practice your faith?”

He mentioned that he’s an early riser, and on his 30 minute drive to the office, he finds solace in praying and talking to God.  He mentioned The Prayer of St. Francis being very important to his overcoming the tough years and being one of the main reasons for his recovery.  “It seems crazy to people, to think you should love them in order to be loved.  But I’ve just learned it’s true.”

This conversation was the inspiration for our rendition of The Prayer of St. Francis.  (Check out Songs AND Films to hear it or watch it).


Lord make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life
Amen

“The problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar…..”

That simple passage comes from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.  I read it well over a decade ago and that line has always stuck with me. 


I especially think of it at mass after I’ve received communion and I’m kneeling.  I love watching others process up the aisle.  It’s the simple line of person after person, slowly moving up to the front of church - old and young, sick and healthy, black and white, everyone.  As screwed up as the world is, as busy as we are, and as many fun things as there are to do, it’s a Sunday morning and it amazes me that people still go to church.  They go because their hearts understand this passage too, and in that special moment, they are literally and actively living out the reality of what it means to be a living sacrifice.


I’ve thought a lot about this passage and asked myself why I find it so memorable?


I’ve realized it sums up the really important stuff in such a simple way.


How’s that?


For one, we are a living sacrifice.  That’s our role.  Secondly, being an active, living sacrifice is really, really hard. 


Why?


Because we’re human and on our pilgrim journey with struggles and pains and feelings and desires. We struggle to believe, we struggle to be nice and kind, we struggle to do the right and just and pure and loving thing instead of the selfish, easy, comfortable and pleasurable thing.  We face scary moments and we struggle to trust.  In short, we’ve got a lot going on.


We see these struggles in ourselves, in each other, in our church, and in our world, and we say, “Where’s God?  How can there even BE a God?”  If we don’t think critically and take hold of these struggles, we can assume they point us away from God, and that’s the cruel twist in the screenplay of our lives.  They point us directly TO God.  These struggles ARE the sacrifice.  These are the moments we can find God by surrendering, continually, on that altar.  But often times, as the passage points out, we prefer to crawl off.


Where does this living sacrifice idea come from?


“I urge you therefore, brothers (and sisters), by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.  Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”  Romans 12:1


What might we do to be a better living sacrifice?


1. LIVE!!!!
To be a living sacrifice, you have to be alive.  Are you?  I think most of us think we’re alive, but just because you’re not dead doesn’t mean you’re living.  To be living means to go out after things and be intentional.  As a spouse, parent, grandparent, child, business person, teacher, doctor, accountant, account manager, you name it….are you really living that role? Or just showing up?  Set a goal for yourself.  Begin with the end in mind.  When you’re living and going after something, you’re not numb.  There’s goods and bads and happy and sads…..and that’s what can make you aware that you need to get up on the altar.  The goal gives you the vehicle to live, and the work allows you to be the sacrifice.  When we’re not living or going anywhere, we’re numb and hiding and no good to anybody and certainly not a worthy sacrifice.


2. Pray, reflect and connect
Monday Funeral helps me with this.  It’s a tool to help me pray, reflect, connect and renew.  It is this habit of renewal that helps me as my “living” happens, I get better and better at putting myself on the altar and then keeping myself there.  It is through our praying, reflecting and connecting that we develop the right mind and strength to be an active, living sacrifice.  The good moments we give to Him.  The mundane moments we give to Him.  The sad and tragic moments we give to Him.  So, every living moment we give to Him.  And it’s a cycle, because as we get better at understanding and acting on this, we then live more deeply.


3. Look in the mirror
We tend to think we’re always right.  We tend to find fault in others.  We tend to justify how great we are.  We tend to avoid some of our errors and shortcomings and struggles with sin.  Stop doing that.  Look in the mirror.  Let God look in it with you.  Focus on yourself and being your best.  Stop worrying about others.  When you’re mad or sad or jealous or worried or have the blahs, develop the habit of looking in the mirror with God.  He’ll point out how beautiful you are.  You’ll see how much you’re not being thankful for the gift of life.  And together you’ll realize, in serving Him and others, you should just get out there and live.  And you do that by getting back on that altar.     

 "He no longer stands before God as a slave, in servile fear, or as a mercenary looking for wages, but as a son responding to the love of him who first loved us." CCC1828

Are you a hired hand?  Hired hands do everything with conditions attached.  Just like doing work only if you’re paid, they will do this or that thing – but they are really only doing it because they expect something in return. 

Are you a slave?  Slaves do what they’re told and do it because they have to.  They are dependent on instruction and can blame others for not doing something because they weren’t told to do it. 

 Are you a child?  Children do whatever they think of doing in the moment.  They live recklessly and dangerously in the present.  Because of this, they don’t expect anyone to tell them what to do (and can get upset if someone does) and often lack the depth of thought to do something with conditions attached.  They just do it.

Of these three examples, which represents your relationship with God?

Will you do the right thing, but only when it’s convenient?  Do you play games with God – giving him 70% or 80% control, but keeping that final 20% or 30% just in case?  This is how the hired hand does it, always having their hand out or looking over their shoulder making sure things are “fair.” 

Do you do the right thing, and when you do, feel proud of yourself?  Are you treating your faith life as if there are boxes to check?  Do you do what you presume you have to do?  Mass on Sunday? – yep.  Told my spouse and kids I loved them? – yep.  Didn’t do anything terribly wrong today? – yep.  If you do these things because you HAVE to, don’t fool yourself, you’re closer to a slave than anything else. 

Do you enjoy living?  Do you see the beauty in the blue sky AND in the rain that falls?  Do you feel wonder and awe sometimes through your day silently as you drive about or walk about?  Do you look at people and silently, in your heart, pray for them and ask God to provide the grace to follow and love him?  When you face scary and difficult things, do you revert to being the hired hand or the slave, or do you simply keep moving forward because of your childlike trust in Christ?

Jesus wants us to be like children (Matthew 19:13-14).  He wants us to live in the present and hand our lives over.  He wants us to do the right thing because it’s the right thing – not because we get something in return or because we are told to do it.  If we trust and love our Lord, we will do what we do for that reason alone.  And when we do, we'll find ourselves living a life of freedom.  There is no fear of lacking, there is no fear of missing out, there is no living with the fear and suffering thinking we "have to," there is just childlike pleasure in living life as his redemption allows us to live. 

Wherever you are, whatever you've done, wherever you're going, I forgive you.  There is nothing that you have done or will do that can separate us if you accept this gift.  This is hard to understand - so spend time with it.

There are so many alone and in pain around you.  Please help them.  Find your freedom in me so that you can serve them.  You will find it tiring and awkward and inconsistent if you try to serve them without me - don't let that scare you.  Just come back to me and stay with me.  It is your emptiness that allows me to fill you.  And I always will.

Is there something else you need?  My father gave you life.  You have the opportunity to live it however you like.  How is it going?  Do you have any struggles?

Give those struggles to me.  Let me help you.  I know you better than you know yourself.  I've been where you are.  That's why I'm hanging up here.  I wanted to give you my everything so that you could truly live and be free. 

You might be learning freedom and joy is not something you can control.  That's okay.  It isn't.  Don't be frightened.  Come to me.  Give me your everything.  You can trust me.  I will live in you and guide you and help you if you let go of what you thought and give yourself to me.

How are you serving others?  That's how you'll know I'm with you and you have let me in.  You won't get tired or sad.  You'll overcome your struggles.  You will find the freedom and joy for which you yearn .  Just come to me.  I love you.

We are closed off.  We don’t share with each other.  We go to church.  We send our kids to school. We go to work. We live like everything is fine.  Instagram and Facebook make it worse.  We seek validation.  We want to feel good and be connected yet we hide.  We are insecure.  We try to tell ourselves that everything is fine, while inside of us the questions and uncertainty while making the journey stays hidden.  We allow emotions to guide us and that is a very dangerous way to live.

When will we be done with this? 

Things like suicide, depression, divorce, and addiction will continue to plague us until we decide we’re done living like this.  Until we decide to be courageous enough to really live our lives for others.

“Life” is struggle.  That's what makes it fun and engaging.  If you want to live, and do it well, learn to love the game of life; aka the struggle. 

We all struggle.  But because of how closed off we are, we don’t share this struggle.  So, when others are struggling they feel like they have to go it alone.  And that’s the tragedy.  They’re not alone, but they think they are.  Who’s responsible?  All of us.

How can we make things better? 

We don’t need to volunteer somewhere or stand on a street corner with a sign.  We don’t need to drastically change anything.  We just need to live our lives thinking about others instead of ourselves.  We need to engage with people and friends and family.  Do they know we care about them?  Do they know we love them?
 
To live your life outward – to serve – shows the ultimate faith and courage.  Because in that moment of really being present and engaging and helping, you are affirming that you’re OK.  You are leaving yourself behind, and moving outward, to help another person. 
   
If we all get in the habit of living life outward and for others, it’s a fire that will start small in your home or work or peer group, and it will grow.  But it has to start somewhere.  And it might as well start with us.

Tell someone you’re sorry.  Tell someone you love them.  Connect with someone.  Write someone a letter.  Call them.  Smile at them in passing.  Chances are they have struggles that you don’t know about.  Decide you won’t let them be alone anymore.

What is your biggest problem and struggle right now?

Do you know?

Good.

That’s the biggest challenge.  Being honest with ourselves.

And don’t just say “I’m sad” or “I’m not happy” or “my relationship” or “my finances” or “my job” or “my health.”  Dig Deeper.  Really, what’s your problem?

Once you know your problem, it’s simple.  You just do one of two things.

Option One:  Don’t trust God
Blame other people, blame or question God, be afraid, be angry, feel guilty, be worried, be anxious, be self-focused, feel sorry for yourself, focus on why you’re right, justify your lies to yourself and take and take and take and continue to not trust and not be happy.

Option Two:  Trust God
Be thankful for being alive, be thankful God created you and those you love, be present in listening to beautiful music, enjoying nature, spending time with family, spending time alone, cuddling with your pet, laughing, crying, grieving, praying, going to church, pushing yourself towards worthy goals, dreaming, taking accountability, forgiving, loving, smiling so that you can give and give and give and trust and be happy.

We make it so complex.  We treat life like it’s so mysterious and like we’re all alone and no one can understand.

We’re so wrong. 

It’s quite simple.  It’s so profoundly simple its complex.

Look at the cross.  What do you see? 

I see everything pointing to the fact that life is lived, really lived, when we trust Him.  When we give ourselves to Him like He gave himself to us.  It is our problems and struggles, in real-life, that we can either give to Him in trust or keep from him in lack of trust.    

If you do trust Him, you’ll serve and love and forgive and overcome.  If you don’t, you’ll still have the same problems days and weeks and years ahead.

It’s a life-long process mastering this.  So I say we get started.   

How do we find happiness and achievement?

Be very leery of “self help” where you’ll hear about the importance of…

• Discovering your purpose
• Doing more of the things you “want” to do instead of what you “should” do
• Seeking situations that will result in positive emotions and removing those that cause negative emotions

These commonly held thoughts led me astray for many, many years.

• Discover your purpose?  There’s nothing to really discover.  We all have the same purpose.  We just have to accept it, which is the battle.  To tell me I have to work at discovering it makes it appear to be a mystery, and it’s not.
• Do more of the things you “want?”  I don’t trust myself enough to assume what I want is what’s best.  Based on the struggles society has with addiction, obesity, failed relationships, debt, suicide, war, etc. I’m confident others would agree – what our weak human nature thinks is best is often the wrong choice.
• Seek situations that result in positive emotions and remove those that cause negative emotions?    How is a person supposed to grow and thrive and achieve if they avoid situations that test them and push them with the emotional work it takes to move to higher and higher levels?  

So, how do we find happiness and achievement?

By 1) uncovering our common purpose and 2) working towards it. 

#1) What is our common purpose?

To be God’s gift from Himself to Himself. 

        “The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never
        ceases to draw man to himself.  Only in God will he find the truth and the happiness he never stops searching for.”  CCC27

We are made by God and for God.  We are a gift He created for Himself.  My life is not for me.  Yours isn’t for you.  We are His, not ours. 

What is our purpose?  To be His gift.

#2) How do we work towards our common purpose of being God’s gift?

By passionately and recklessly accepting the life we have and giving it back to Him.

This can be immensely difficult.  There might be a lot we don’t want to accept.  And if we listen to the world and “self help” we’ll be told to avoid or seek or discover.  To “accept” can seem weak and irrational.
 
But here lies the rub; it is in accepting our lives, especially the tough stuff, where we learn to depend on God.  Without the tough stuff we don’t need God.  We might think our lives are best lived out during our vacations or financial windfalls or mountain-top moments of intimacy, but that’s just not true.  It is by embracing our cross that we can really live the purpose for which we were created.  Because it is through our crosses we find Christ and the freedom He granted us through His cross.
 
How do we find happiness and achievement?  By running towards our crosses with a big smile and being thankful, picking them up because of our love and faith and trust in God, and in that moment, experiencing the freedom that is beyond this world, and shining His big, old light on everyone and everything around us. 

One of the things that is great about getting older is perspective.  One of the most valuable lessons perspective teaches is that when life feels like it’s NOT working, it is.  And when it feels like life IS working, that’s when you need to watch out.

When life isn’t working, everything seems so hard.  Our work, our relationships, our health, our finances, our mood, our future, our past – we see the struggle, the questions, the uncertainty, and we feel any combination of worry, fear, guilt, or nausea.  But, do you know what’s great about these moments?  Eventually – and it can be a long road to this realization - you realize how completely you need God.  You realize how completely empty and weak and unsure you are.  You feel a little foolish, because you assumed you knew, but you didn’t.  And when you accept this, you can really start living, because you are truly taking up your cross.

When life is working, everything seems okay.  Our work, our relationships, our health, our finances, our mood, our future, our past, our future – we might compare ourselves and feel pretty good about things, or maybe we’ve got enough going on that we feel like we’re really living life.  The problem is, this can lead us to a place where we eventually realize we’ve been in a malaise, and while everything is “okay” – things seem empty and like there’s no direction or purpose.  And the emptiness is because we are not anchored to anything true and deep and lasting.  Just like when life isn’t working, the answer is taking up the cross and being anchored in it.

The truth is, there is no such thing as life “working” or “not working.”  There’s just life.  And life is everything.

The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the rich, the poor, the healthy, the sick, the worried, the thankful, the scared, the courageous, the lucky, the desperate, the non-believer and the believer.

We are all of these things through the course of our lives. 

What gives life purpose and direction and joy is Christ and our sharing in His life.  We do that through the cross.  Perspective teaches us that in the end, all that really matters, is the cross and our clinging to it like crazy. 

I have a couple pet peeves.  One of them is when I hear someone say, “I’m not a singer.”

We are all singers.  We were born to sing.

When I hear, “I’m not a singer,” it reminds me of how many of us live a life disconnected from the life we were created to live.  And the disconnection is rooted in being embarrassed and afraid. 

I understand the fact that some people struggle to hear and match pitch.  I understand some people’s voices are naturally set higher or lower, some are naturally more nasally or throaty, and some are not meant to be heard in solo.

But that has nothing to do with being a singer.

When I’m at mass, sometimes I just like to close my eyes during one of the hymns and listen.  Have you ever done that?  All those different, unique voices coming together in one hymn supporting you and wrapping around you like a blanket.  When I’m lucky, I’ll hear a voice that sticks out and carries me a little bit further and makes me cry.

It’s never the first or second voice I hear. And it’s never the voice of the person who loves to sing and assumes I love to hear them too.    You have to listen further and deeper.  It’s the voice of the elderly person struggling in health, or the sleep deprived young mother, or the middle aged father, now an empty nester, at mass alone with his wife. 

Left alone, these singers might not sing a note, but in this hymn, in this church, in this moment, they use their voice to be a part of something beautiful and wonderful, giving what they have away.  And they do so, because it’s not about them or their feelings or if they have a “good” voice.  It’s about something deeper.

Those are the voices that make me cry.  I think to myself, if I were God, what voice would I love to hear more?  The voice of the person who claims to be a singer, or the voice of the “non-singer,” willing to come to me with the voice they were given?

We are all singers.  That doesn’t mean we have to start singing solos.  But it does mean our voice matters and was created to be heard.  Not for ourselves.  But for each other and for Him.

“I’m not a religious person.”
 
We’ve all heard that.  Maybe we say it ourselves.  Whenever I hear that, I’m reminded of how disconnected we are from each other.

An overwhelming majority of the “not religious” admit their spiritual life is of real importance.  And this means different things to different people.  Yoga, nature, music, meditation, gardening, painting, fishing, golf, baking – some people do these things without much thought as to why.  But I believe the strong majority, if given time to really think it through, would find they do these things because of the quiet it brings them. It provides that special place to find peace and reclaim the sense of truly having oneself.   And when that’s the case, it’s not just a hobby, it’s a spiritual classroom.

It is from within this classroom we can change the world.  However, for this change to happen, the wall between “religious” and “spiritual” needs to be less visible.

What does it take for someone who is “not religious” to feel comfortable sitting in a pew next to me? 

Well, first off, am I inviting them?  It takes courage to make the invitation.  But don’t worry, the person you’re inviting knows that.  The reality is, I might not be making the invitation because I really don’t know why I’m in the pew in the first place.  And if that’s the case, that’s the first thing to change.

Secondly, am I living a life that inspires?  And that doesn’t have anything to do with what people are seeing on the outside.  Rather, if they were able to somehow see the inside of my heart and mind, my real thoughts, feelings, decisions, and prayers, would their heart and mind be inspired and yearn to share?  Or would they be pushed away by an empty, selfish and hypocritical silent talk that gives further proof as to why they question religion in the first place?

Finally, if I consider myself a religious, church going person, why is that so?  Is going to church checking off a box, and part of a thoughtless routine?  Is it something that I do because of its fundamental importance to everything in my life?  Is it just a place that I go, or is it the classroom of classrooms for me?

If we’re looking to make the world a better place, the “religious” have a big job to do.  We have to be willing to really look in the mirror and ask ourselves the tough questions.  And when we get better and more consistent in asking ourselves the tough questions, the “not religious” will slowly consider coming to church again. 

The best way to fill the pews in any church is by first concerning yourself with your seat.  Are you worthy of it? Are you really using it?  If you fill that seat to the best of your ability, I’m confident that over time, the other seats will be filled as well.

I know two things about myself, without a doubt:

#1) I am extremely far from perfect.  I screw up all the time.  If you were to watch me in the short run, I'm a failure.  I’m inconsistent.  More times than I'd like to admit, I'm a hypocrite.  In short, I’m a big old sinner.

#2) I love God and believe in Him 100%. 

And what has knowing these two things done for me?  They have proven that God exists.

(I can hear the squeal of the brakes now as some people breathe that in.....)
 
I’m not sure if people would find that silly? Or jarring? Or hard to accept? Or similar to their view?  I’m also not sure if people realize how perfectly #1 and #2 work together?

When I look at all that I’ve achieved and acquired; all the difficult times I’ve made it through; my family and career; the talents I’ve developed; my faith life; my future prospects; I feel so very blessed.  And if I consider only point #1, none of it makes any sense.  I’m too weak and too much of a failure.  So, as I reflect on things, I know without a doubt, the reason for all of it is #2.  Another way of saying that, is for me, everything I’ve achieved, acquired and grown for the better proves to me that God exists. 

I worry that there are people so focused on the truth of #1, they haven’t even allowed themselves to take #2 seriously.  I worry there are people with such heavy hearts and insecurity because #1 makes them think they have to hide themselves and avoid the truth.
 
When we accept #1 – and really own it – the hard work is done.  We can then test out #2.  And after enough tests you realize you can’t fix yourself.  You need God.  And as you focus on Him, and more and more find His strength in your weakness, things start to work out.  And as they start to work out, the light starts to shine a little brighter.  You realize, all the worry and anxiety and fear was a waste.  And then you get used to the taste of this #2 Kool-aid, and your thirst is never quenched, so you mix up more and more of it.  You reduce yourself further and further so that His light can shine brighter and brighter.

I pray that we accept who we really are so that we can allow ourselves to depend on Him and let His light shine.  Let’s not bang our heads against the wall thinking we can fix it.  We can’t.  We need Him.  Let’s mix up some of that special Kool-aid and get chugging.
 
 
 
 

“In fact, it is better that we not know the future but discover it step by step.  We are tempted to imagine that security lies in mastering the future, but the reverse is true: the more we confidently entrust the future to God, without trying to know it or master it, the more secure and peaceful we are.”  
                                                                Jacques Philippe, Called to Life
 
What does it take, as an adult, to feel secure and at peace?
 
Wealth?  Prime physical condition and health?  Pleasure and comfort? The right house or car or outfit? Strong influence in an organization or community or our family?  The right job or career? The right relationship?

We all know our struggle in answering this question.  These things are all nice, but they do not truly satisfy us.  We forget that, but we know it’s true.  To make matters worse, as we find ourselves in a position to experience more and more of these “things,” the security and peace we desire can feel even further from us.

Yet, we chase after them.  Will we ever stop chasing?

What if we just tried to trust God?  What if we felt like that was enough, and that he would provide?

What if we were crazy enough to test this quote out, and to tell ourselves we’re better off NOT knowing the future?
Is it possible that by shifting the focus this way, and really making our lives an argument for defining our faith, the quality of our finances, health, relationships, work and influence would increase more than by being so interested in mastering everything? 

I’m guessing the answer is yes.

And I say we give it a try starting now.